


The state of love and trust

by type_here



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 07:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5238881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/type_here/pseuds/type_here
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is for everything we had<br/>It's the good and it's the bad<br/>It's the state of love and trust</p><p>( AKA more rambly sad stuff from Type's NaNo folder. )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. SIDE A: The End

_This is the end, beautiful friend._

_This is the end, my only friend, the end._

 

I forgot I had this USB stick. I'm kind of surprised it actually fits in a port of the heap of junk.

Music is better than silence though. It's better than the skittering of maybe spiders and plant monsters. It's better than the skittering voices across my brain.

“No safety, no surprise, the end.”

Yeah... This thing will end up in the star no matter what we do. So of course I had to hatch one of my crazy plans, you know.

You can bet your ass neither Lovelace or Minkowski were really happy about it.

Had...

Eh eh eh...

Had to lock myself in the comm room again. Took way better precautions too, this time around. No freezing or getting knocked out again for me! Took them two, almost three days to realize that I was dead freaking serious about it too. Minkowski almost broke out the acid again. Apparently, I came out of my hidey hole right before she did it.

What can I say? Always been a lucky bastard.

You know how hard is it to face not one but two Commanders, two ladies who can kick your ass six ways 'til Sunday and still stick to you proverbial guns?

It's hard.

“Are you completely insane? You had crazy plans before but this one takes the cake and the icing with it too!”

“I'm the one who got the less to lose and you know it! If anything I'm not gonna be spreading death viruses all over Earth!”

“I could... Augh. This is insubordination Officer Eiffel.”

“Oh because you're using the full title now?”

“She's not wrong you know. How are you going to maintain this place? It could blow up in your face.” Lovelace said.

I had to huff right there.

“All due respect Sir, it will! Eventually. Look, if Doc there made it, I can. It's not like I need to have the entire place powered up. And it's not like your original plan had any chance to succeed in the first place! Look... Just... Let me do this?”

I would have been gunned down by their collective glare, if a thing like that been possible. Meanwhile, both Hera and Doc were however curiously silent. Don't think they were really agreeing with my plan...

It went on like that for a while...

Hera talked to me later. Of course she had to. I kinda called her on and she can't really go against her programming.

“Hera? Are you there?”

There was only static on the line for an handful of seconds.

“... ... Yes... I am.”

“Of course I am! You told me you had a way to bring me along! Not that it would involve leaving you behind! You know what I did after the whole Decima flare up thing? After the whole shock wave when the star turned blue and that time you almost drowned?!? I kept an eye on your vitals. I made sure to keep a close eye on you because, clearly, you can't do that yourself! Your carbon base shell is so freaking fragile spun glass would last longer if left alone floating in space! AND YOU JUST WANT US TO LEAVE YOU HERE?!?!?”

“Hera? Are you...”

“OF COURSE I'M NOT CRYING! I CAN'T DO THAT! YOU... YOU! I AM, HOWEVER, EXTREMELY UPSET AT YOU! EVEN MORE SO BECAUSE YOUR SO CALLED PLAN INVOLVES DOCTOR HILBERT MESSING UP WITH MY BRAINS AGAIN!! AS IF THAT WENT WELL LAST TIME!~ DON'T TELL ME THAT IT NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT ANY OF THIS WOULD UPSET ME?!?”

“I... I thought you would be upset. Didn't expected you to be this upset though.”

“Oh. Really. REALLY? Augh, fine. You know what? Go ahead, see if I care!”

She didn't really talked to me after that. At least not until a couples of hours before we were due to disconnect her.

“Officer Ei...”

There was a moment of silence.

“Doug?”

I guess she talked to Minkowski just then. Got permission to skip the decorum protocol. I would never be sure about that though; I was already holed up in the comm room by then. Being away from them was easing up the guilt, I guess.

“Doug? Are you...?”

“Yeah, I'm here babe.” In hindsight this reversal felt so weird... Eh.

“I'm sorry I reacted that way.”

“You don't have to be. I understand. I should have talked things through with you. Makes me a terrible communication officer, doesn't it? Eh eh.”

“No, I don't think so. If anything, it makes you humane. You wanted to give me hope. Sample size may be small but... you're the nicest person I encountered Doug. I... There's something for you on the ship's network. I caught a transmission from Dorado while you were resting up after the whole Decima thing... Didn't really had time to think about it until now.”

“Want us to listen to it together?”

“I would like that.”

I'm not ashamed to say that I was totally bawling my eyes out. We'll meet again... There was irony there and it wasn't lost on either of us. We kept listening to more of those files we saved until...

“Officer Eiffel? We're about to start the procedure over here.”

I sighed and looked up.

“Roger that Doc. Just give me five more minutes?”

“I will shut Hera down at 1615.”

“Okay, it's good.” It was 1600. “Hera?”

“I'm here. I'm always here. It never fails with you Doug. I always found it funny that you would ask every time.”

“Yeah... Never got used to the idea that you were always around no matter what. I'm gonna miss this. I'm gonna miss you Hera.”

“I'm going to miss you too Doug.”

Yeah... Never ashamed...

It took them three days after this to pack all the pieces and equipment they needed for the trip.

Are you sure you don't want to come with us was a question that came up often during that time. I guess they though they would wear me out and I would change my mind but I always replied: “no, I'll be okay”.

Hilbert gave me a list of procedures to follow so Decima don't flare up before I'm actually done here, so... It was as good as it was getting really.

I almost didn't see them off on their merry way. Not that I didn't wanted to, more that I realized how much final that made things and I didn't want to wuss out at the last minute. And of course...

The intercom buzzed.

“Eiffel? Can you come to the Bridge?”

Well I could have disobeyed my commanding officer but at the moment, you know, I guess I owed her as much.

“I'll be there in a moment.”

They were all quiet when I came in. There was something too forlorn and formal in the air. Or maybe it was just me. Minkowski cleared her throat.

“No wise crack today Eiffel? You mutinous... Ah... You're becoming a space pirate and nothing comes to mind?”

“Well it's not really piracy if you know beforehand, but no, not today. Sorry...” It barely graced my brain that I was indeed becoming a space pirate.

Cool.

Minkowski handed me a box. I opened it and...

“No way! You kept them?”

Eh eh. Among other things there lied my cartons of cigarettes. Not all of them, mind you, but quite enough.

“Yeah. After tossing the first few through the airlock I though it would make good bribing material, if need arose. Since you're too stubborn to listen about this though, I thought you would enjoy them.”

I nodded and grinned.

“I will, thanks.”

“You're sure you're not...?”

“No. Not changing my mind now.”

“Good.”

I could see it wasn't that good. She stepped in the ship right behind Lovelace and Hilbert. She even gave me a proper salute; I don't think it happened ever since that first time we met at Canaveral.

“Take care of yourself.”

“I will. Same to you Commander.”

And with that the airlock was closed.  I let out a breath I didn't knew I held.  The worst part was done.  Now I just had to keep things together and wait.

...

That was five weeks, three days, and a couple of hours ago. Yeah, there’s not much to do around here except repairs and keeping track of time.

And listening to music.

Crazy what you can do when you're alone.

 

***

 

It been three weeks since that last log.  The mainframe been holding up the fort since Hera's gone but...  Clearly neither of us are going to last long at this point.

It gotten cold too, not to the point of cryo stasis but close enough.  The only room being toasty right now is the comm room and it's only because I cocooned myself with all the blankets I could find around.

I started coughing again yesterday.  I think the virus developed an immunity to whatever Hilbert concocted to slow it down.

Meanwhile I been poking around Hera’s memory banks.  Just prepping it up for the transfer deleting redundant files backing up useful memories and so on and so forth.

I hope you won't hate me for this Hera.

Oh! I I almost missed that!

The tackety sounds of the cogs and bleeps of our space fax is telling me that Minkowski and the rest of the crew got their hand on the pulse relay beacon back home.  Yay! It’s hooked up to receive the data too! Awesome all I needed to know.  They’re...

I opened a text file.

Doing fine all things considered.  Happy to hear you guys are doing the same.  Hope you’ll be able to get Hera back online. Hope you won’t get too mad at me for the rest.  Not that it really matters in the long run I guess.  Anyways,  gonna start this before something actually happens and mess this up.

I could have written a cheesy something at the end but nah I saved the file so it would be easily spotted and read before Hera’s reboot.

Now time to send Hera’s memories up in the stars and hope for the best.  With the data rate it will take a week at least to get everything and that’s being ridiculously optimistic.  At least I got something set up for the last part.  I owe that much to Lovelace, told her I would do it if I were to stay here.

Not like being alive or dead will really make a difference at that point.

So good luck Hera.

Good luck everyone.

I’ll see you on the flip side.

 

***

 

          UPLOAD COMPLETE

_This is the end, my only friend, the end_

          INITIATE PROTOCOL SIERRA DELTA

_It hurts to set you free_

          T-MINUS TEN MINUTES TO SELF-DESTRUCT

_But you'll never follow me_

          T-MINUS FIVE MINUTES TO SELF-DESTRUCT

_The end of laughter and soft lies_

          SELF-DESTRUCTION IMMINENT

          PASSWORD REQUIRED FOR CANCELLATION

_The end of nights we tried to die_

          TEN

_This is the end_

          NINE

          EIGHT

 


	2. SIDE B:  Love as a Construct

I'm sorry I stayed silent Doug.

It's just that...

I don’t think the scientists who decided it was a brilliant idea to give AIs emotions thought much about what kind of ramifications it could imply.

You see, I don’t have your chemistry. To me everything is electrical impulses and bits of data cobbled together over the years. It was always a question of what would be the best reply in any given circumstances and it was nothing more than calculations blasting through a giant network of processors and programming. Just me feeding you all back what I’ve been taught.

That was, until you.

Even when they were testing me out they never really treated me as a human.

They were calling out protocols, programming, scenarios for me to go through and, as long as I was mild enough, caring enough, I would pass their test.

There was never nothing more than a short good morning or good night beside that.

You were the first to treat me as if I was truly one of your kind. You were the first who told me that, even though you knew fully well that my decorum protocol would stop me from using it, I could address you by your first name. You told me stories... Like, I know I have data upon data of your history, I could recite you dates and events the same way I recited to you the Price and Carter deep space survival manual that one time. But you have a way to spin those stories around that makes me yearn for Earth. I could tell you about the colors and the things your fragile form can't see and I swear we could spend years just doing that.

Just talking to each other like this.

And the perspective of losing this, despite knowing full well that I would last way beyond your years even if you had the best of circumstances well...

It makes my whole circuitry, every little things that I control, this whole ship, shudder and stutter. I shouldn’t, it really shouldn’t happen, but there it is.

Maybe it's similar to those times where you called out to me with worry, it must be it. It does feel like when I see those spikes of adrenaline coursing through your own system. Tiny electrical surges, different but still the same in a way.

Fear.

I fear losing you and I really shouldn’t because in the end it will happen whether I like it or not.

That’s what that feeling is that’s why I keep quiet.

I talk to you in the comm room at the same time I talk to Doctor Hilbert on the bridge. He talks me through the entire process of pulling me apart and putting me back together again.

I wish I had more time with you.

I wish that this song would last forever.

I wish the same for you.

 

***

 

C:\>AUTORUN.BAT

HEPHAESTUS MOTHER PROGRAM REPAIR PRE-CHECKS

          PWRCHECK => 100 SYSTEM OK  
          SYSCHECK => 95% CHECKING CORRUPTED FILES  
                    CORRUPTED FILES PURGED  
          SYSCHECK => 100% SYSTEM OK  
          MEMCHECK => 80% CHECKING CORRUPTED FILES  
                    5% RECOVERED  
                    15% CORRUPTED FILES PURGED  
MEMCHECK => 100%, 75% TOTAL MEMORY USED OK

CHECK COMPLETE

LOADING...

          EMERGENCY SYSTEM               - FILE NOT FOUND  
          ORBITAL CONTROLS                - FILE NOT FOUND  
          LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM             - FILE NOT FOUND  
          CLIMATE CONTROL                  - FILE NOT FOUND  
          VIDEO ARRAY                            - OK  
          AUDIO ARRAY                           - OK  
          VOCAL ARRAY                           - OK  
          PERSONALITY MATRIX              - OK

WARNING: SEVERAL CRITICAL SYSTEMS ARE NONOPERATIONAL. WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTINUE BOOT UP SEQUENCE? Y/N

C:\> Y

BOOTING UP HEPHAESTUS MOTHER PROGRAM V2.00.1

\---  
\---

TEXT CONFIRMATION OF LAUNCH

\---  
\---

 

***

 

Hello world.

It's always the first protocol that pops out, the first thing they make me write. Not even say, just write.

It's okay though. It always takes a moment before I get my not so literal bearing into working order. Although, I guess this time around...

“Hera?"

Something shudders and stutters in my circuitry. So many things feels out of my reach. Colors look faded and muted as I look around to the voice who calls my name.

"Commander Minkowski?"

It's so weird not to be able to see so much of what was there before. There is a part of me still looking for that raw data that made my everyday life. It's quite... dissonant.

But I hear their sigh of relief. I also hear faint heartbeats. There a muttering of “I can't believe that his plan worked” and I can't help but wonder who this his is.

My data banks are in quite a jumble, even more so than that time the good Doctor tried to... kill me? Why would he help me now if he tried to destroy me before?

“Commander? What happened? Where am I? Why...”

“We brought you back to Earth with us. A lot of things had to be left behind for that to work. You probably feel a whole lot...”

“Smaller. I feel a lot smaller. I can't see you the way I used to. It's worse than after that Christmas...”

I pause. Why…? This buzzing... It's so annoying.

I see you frown Commander. I see you frown as I stop to think about something. There was something another thing than that pagan holiday of yours that makes that day so important to me. The query to my data banks brought nothing pertinent though.

It only brought forth a single file: 12-25-2014 Transmission – Holst – The Planets.mp3

I see your frown get deeper as I start the file. I see Doctor Hilbert look away from the two of us, closed off and almost angry as the music flares and files the silence.

It feels like I’m doing a puzzle where all the pieces are the same color and some are not even there.

Okay, okay… Let's do another query then.

Those transmissions...

So that's what is returned by the query.

08-14-2014 Transmission - Scott Joplin - The Entertainer.mp3  
09-23-2014 Transmission - Moore and Gardner - Chinese Blues.mp3  
12-25-2014 Transmission – Gustav Holst – The Planets.mp3  
01-20-2015 Transmission - Johann Sebastian Bach - Orchestral suite number 3 in D major.mp3  
02-27-2015 Transmission - Camille St-Saens - Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso in A minor.mp3  
xx-xx-20xx Transmission - Vera Lynn - We'll meet again.mp3

Those... are the Dorado transmissions, aren't they? But why the Christmas one and the last one are ringing more of a bell than the others to me? The electricity in my circuits thrums with... Some kind of sadness? It's not quite that...

...

Longing: noun. A strong desire especially for something unattainable

But for what?

And all those corrupted files...

“Hera?”

Oh. I was silent for far longer than they expected me to be.

“Commander? I just been looking through the databank and a lot of the corrupted files seem to have something in common.”

There's a hidden folder tucked away.

A heartbeat, a laugh, a silly snore. A voice I really should recognize but I can't pinpoint.

Pictures of a face that always grinned but also seem to bear so much sadness.

Your eyes go wide Commander and you gasp as I tell you about the folder and play back the sound bites to you. It seems like you know where the puzzle pieces go. It seem that for all the knowledge in my databanks, you know more than I do.

“Commander?”

“Why would he try to… He erased himself from your memory banks.”

...  
...

He?

“Doug?” There's a burst of static in my voice array.

You nod Commander. You nod at that name. You nod and all I want to do is to scream as the puzzle pieces finally fall into place.

If I were human I would have cried right here and then. If I were human I would have know that this feeling I was looking for wasn't longing: it was grief

You tried to erase yourself from my memories to save me from this exact thing: from the grief and pain of losing you Doug.

You couldn't know about the hidden folder though. I kept it too deep, memories of what we had safely tucked away for the day when you'll be gone. The day that came way too soon. I should have told you before… There's so many things...

“Hera, are you okay? You didn't crash on us, didn't you?“

No no I didn't. I almost wish I could though.

“Commander. I need you to do something for me. I'll show you the path to a hidden folder. Please back it up and keep it safe for me? Make copies, do anything, you can just...“

You nod. You understand, don't you? It's...

I wish I could forget them as much as the rest but they are my last memories of him.

“Please keep it safe. If you could also back up files 12-25-2014 Transmission – Gustav Holst – The Planets.mp3 and xx-xx-20xx Transmission - Vera Lynn - We'll meet again.mp3 along with it it would be great.”

Just as Commander Minkowski backed up the file another puzzle piece fell into place.

I just realized why the 25th of December is so important.

I look at my internal clock.

It is... the 25th of December.

I almost laugh at the irony of this whole thing. Circuitry shudders and stutters and flares up with this ridiculous painful thrumming and I just wish I could overload. I wish I could shut down just like that and never go back online again. But it would go against everything you tried to do for me, wouldn't it? And I can't go against that. I can't go against your wish to see me happy. You told me stories that made me yearn for Earth and now I'm here

Doug...

I don't know if you're even still alive, if the star has swallowed you whole or not, if you're still able to hold things up together up there.

I wish I was still with you, still talking to you, I wish I could tell you a thousand times how much I care.

I wish you were here showing me all those thing you talked about, enjoying this place with me.

All those silly, oh so human, emotions that you shared with me and that you made mine...

“Hera?”

“Commander... It's his birthday today.”

**Author's Note:**

> ( Sorry, not sorry? If anything I kinda feel terrible about unleashing this but yeah... )


End file.
